Davey Croakett's Blog

 


DC: Shhh! The trailers are starting!


If you listen to my show in the afternoons, you've probably heard me talk about how much I love movie trailers. I don't go to the theaters to see movies very often, but I watch nearly EVERY movie trailer that is released. As a matter of fact, I get to the theater early to catch the trailers and get irate if they only show one. I paid my $8.50 and I expect to be treated to at least three mini-flicks before the main attraction.

Today, I made a discovery that has taken my appreciation of the movie trailer to a new level.

You may have seen a blurb on social media today about a planned sequel for "Mrs. Doubtfire". And yes, Robin Williams is going to be starring in the film. Buried in the links in the trending page on Facebook, I saw a YouTube video called "Mrs. Doubtfire Recut As A Horror Movie". I was intrigued, so I clicked the video.

I was not disappointed…



I know. You're welcome.

I let the trailer play through to the end and noticed the suggested links were other movie trailers that had been recut as a different genre. I HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS A THING!!! Pandora's box was open and I have accomplished nothing this afternoon. I have selected a few for your enjoyment.


"Stephen King's It"

I hate clowns. A lot of people say that, but I seriously can't stand 'em. The only thing creepier than a movie about an evil, supernatural clown is a movie about an evil, supernatural clown that stars John Boy Walton and his ultra-cool 1980's ponytail.

Unless that movie is a family film…




"The Shining"

There are lots of conspiracy theories about Stanley Kubrick's "The Shining". Some people believe it is Kubrick's veiled confession to being involved in faking the moon landing for the U.S. Government. Other people believe it is an allegory, protesting the treatment of Native Americans. I'm serious about this, by the way. Google it.

As for myself, after watching this, I believe Stanley Kubrick was just a sentimental, hopeless fool who just wanted to make a memorable romantic comedy…




"Full Metal Jacket"

As long as we are on the subject of Stanley Kubrick, let's take a look at this gem. The Train song in the background is a great companion piece to the antics of that curmudgeon with a heart of gold, Gunnery Sgt. Hartman.

Gomer Pyle, you loveable screw-up… WE BELIEVE IN YOU!!!




"Billy Madison"

And speaking of believing in a winner, who can forget the struggles and triumphs of a man searching for his place in the world? He's looking for validation, success and the answer to the question, "How about you, sideburns? You want some of this milk?"




That's enough, folks. You can search YouTube for more on your own time. I'm busy watching movie trailers. I just saw one for a great movie about a kid who is dying of kidney failure and the town who rallies around him.

Save Ferris, Froggyland… Save Ferris.


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DC: This Old Hat

I’m not the guy who can wear a cowboy hat.  I’m pretty much attached to my trusty Detroit Tigers baseball cap, but I’m realistic enough to know a Stetson is not my style.
 
Let’s be completely honest about cowboy hats.  The list of people who can wear one and pull it off, and I mean really pull it off, is small.  Timothy Olyphant on “Justified” has earned the right to wear one.  I have a theory that George Strait may have been born wearing his.  John Wayne, Hank Williams, the cast of “Bonanza”, Ronald Reagan and anyone who has ever used the phrase “I’m your huckleberry” also qualify.

 

“Because we have the coolest hats, that’s why.”
 
There is another name I can add to the list:  My dad.
 
I want to give you some background information so you can get a good mental picture of who he was.  I have four sisters and a brother, so I came from a pretty big family.  I am number five and there is a decade gap between me and my next oldest sister.  When I was young, my father developed health problems and started to settle down a little bit.  But I’ve heard stories about his younger days and can sum him up by saying that he was a Grade A, 100% USDA Certified Hellraiser.
 
My dad rode Harleys and spent more than his fair share of time in bars and honky tonks.  My dad was tough as nails, with a temper like a bipolar rattlesnake.  My dad didn’t look for trouble, but never backed down.  My dad could single handedly affect the profit margin for Pabst Blue Ribbon depending on his weekend plans.  He walked hard.

 
“1950 @ 17 years old”

 
My dad never went to college, but he was brilliant.  He didn’t attend church, but had a well developed sense of fairness, ethics and morality.  He was definitely an outlaw, but had a big heart and a razor sharp sense of humor.  My dad was selective about who he called a friend and valued those he had.  He never failed at anything he tried and was passionate about his hobbies, from flying planes to ham radio, from classic westerns to country music.
 
My dad passed away on Groundhog’s Day in 2011.  We had gone through a couple of close calls in the past, so I had the satisfaction that there was nothing between us that needed to be said.  That being said, it was still tough.  As a guy, there’s something about losing your father that takes the wind out of your sails.
 
My dad is probably the reason I love music.  One of my earliest memories is riding with him in his truck, listening to Hank Thompson’s “Humpty Dumpty Heart” on 8-track.  Radio has afforded me the opportunity to do some pretty amazing things and I never failed to call my dad and share what I was doing, where I had been or who I had met.  When he passed away, the one thing I was adamant about was the music.  I put together the playlist of songs that were played at his funeral service… everything from Ernest Tubb’s “Walking The Floor Over You” to Del Shannon’s “Runaway”.  I knew I had done well when a friend of my dad’s said it was the best soundtrack he had ever heard for a funeral.
 
When I was very young, my family took a vacation to Colorado and Wyoming.  I have a great picture of me sitting on a horse and my dad holding the reins, decked out in full western gear and his brand new Stetson hat.  Over the years, he wore that cowboy hat to the point of wearing it out.  Years before he passed away, I told him that I wanted that hat after he was gone.
 
I had left the hat at my mother’s house, because somehow, it never felt like the right time to take it.  This past weekend, I broke down and brought that old cowboy hat home with me.  It was dirty and out of shape, with a dark stain on the front from the countless times he had adjusted it on his head.  I took the hat to have it reshaped, cleaned and ready for display.  It will sit in an old Edison Victrola cabinet that I am working on restoring.
 
My dad’s Stetson is the one thing he owned that personified who he was and how I choose to remember him. 
 
I’m not the cowboy hat type, Dad… but I’m glad you were.  You pulled it off.

 

 

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DC: The End Is Near


One month.
 
According to the Mayans, Nostradamus, the I-Ching, Hopi Indians, conspiracy theorists, prophets and various members of the Screenwriters’ Guild, that’s all the time we have left.  On December 21, 2012, our planet will enter into a galactic alignment that will reverse the earth’s magnetic poles, volcanoes will erupt, earthquakes will splinter the continents and those “I Can Haz Cheezburger” cats will rule the apocalyptic wasteland with an iron fist. 
 
The end is near, Froggyland… and the zombies are coming!
 
Before I scare you into hoarding canned goods and teaching your children the proper way to put on a gas mask, let me say this:  I don’t believe the world will come to an end on 12/21/12.  There are a number of reasons that I just don’t buy into the doomsday prophets, but that’s not what I want to discuss.
 
On the morning of December 22nd, I’m 99.99% certain that I will not wake up to a new reality of zombie neighbors stopping by to borrow a cup of brains.  I will, however, wake up to the realization that I have not finished my Christmas shopping.  Now that I think about it, facing zombie Wal-Mart shoppers on the last weekend before the holiday is actually more frightening than a cataclysmic end to life as we know it.
 
But there is that .01% of doubt that still lingers in my mind.  What if I’m wrong?  What if the Mayans were right?  What if the world stops spinning on December 21st and the undead roam the earth?  What was I thinking when I decided to use up my remaining vacation days THE WEEK AFTER???!!!
 
So, in the spirit of holidays and extinction level event paranoia, I’ve compiled a list of things I will miss in the days, weeks and months after the zombie apocalypse takes over.
 
The Walking Dead
 
I’ve never been one for appointment television, but I am a fan of AMC’s The Walking Dead.  If we are completely honest with ourselves, the show is nothing more than a soap opera.  I don’t usually watch soap operas, but then again, if General Hospital were coping with the aftermath of the undead, I might give it a shot.
 
I enjoy watching the survivors dealing with the day to day problems that the undead bring.  I enjoy watching that play out on my television screen.  I would not enjoy watching it play out on my front lawn.  If 12/21 brings the zombies, at least I have a better chance of survival than the people who choose not to watch this show… and the folks who can’t watch because they have Dish Network. 
 


 
Oreos
 
What else really needs to be said about this?  Oreos are America’s favorite cookie and the best friend milk ever had.  Nothing would be more satisfying after a hard day of fortifying your home against the zombie invasion than a cold glass of milk and a little slice of cookie heaven. 
 
(Note to self:  Buy 20 packages of Oreos on 12.20)


 
Will Ferrell
 
I love Will Ferrell movies: Talladega Nights, Anchorman, Elf.  I’m not going to debate the merits of his films or his skills as an actor.  This blog is not the proper forum.  Let’s just accept the fact that I’m a Will Ferrell fan and move on.
 
Anchorman 2 is slated for release on October 19th of next year.  Bottom line, I will not be happy if the zombie apocalypse happens before this movie is released.  I don’t want Ron Burgundy to look like this:
 

 
The History Channel
 
I could really survive on about five television channels.  To be completely honest, outside of those five, I don’t even know which networks I have or where to find them.  But I can guarantee that History Channel is #37 on Murray Electric’s cable system.  If you turned on my television right now, it would be set on The History Channel.
 
I will admit, there are flaws in their programming.  For instance, you don’t actually get a lot of history on The History Channel.  Not a big deal, since you don’t get any music on MTV or learn anything from The Learning Channel.  (As a side note, if The Learning Channel is still available after the apocalypse, I’m totally going to start watching Zombie Honey Boo Boo.  Can you imagine what she would look like as a zombie?)
 
Oh, wait….
 

 
The History Channel’s programming consists of shows about people buying old stuff in barns that they sell at a ridiculous markup, guys who kill alligators to sell at a ridiculous markup and pawn shops that buy old stuff from people and sell it at a ridiculous markup. 
 
They also feature shows about 2012 and the coming apocalypse. 
 
I suppose after December 21, they may run some programming that deals with actual history, since the market for 2012 apocalypse shows will no longer have value.  And who’s to blame for all of this? 
 
 
So there you go, Froggyland.  Those are some of the things I will miss after the zombie apocalypse.  You may think I have overlooked a few items, so let me address those. 
 
Racer Basketball?  Nope.  Steve Prohm has a contract and I expect the games to be played, zombie players or not.  Granted, the games will have a slower pace, there will be significantly more fouls and the refs may be eaten after a bad call.
 
Being on the air at Froggy?  Nope.  I’m sure I will be expected to still show up for my shift.  Granted, “The Best And Most Country” will take a back seat to “Zombie Swarm Updates,” but we can all look forward to the new Taylor Swift album “Red & Undead: Zombie Break-Up Songs”.
 
My family?  Nope.  Were you paying attention?  I watch The Walking Dead… I know what to do and what not to do.  I have a stockpile of Oreos.  I can quote Ricky Bobby.  I’ve learned to barter from Pawn Stars and American Pickers.  I’m equipped with the skills and knowledge necessary to keep my family safe during the zombie apocalypse.
 
You know… the one that I’m 99.99% sure won’t happen.  Happy Zombie-Days!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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